First-Time Parents and the "Germapocalypse"

First time parents as we head into fall and winter….. gather around this virtual campfire so we can talk frankly about facing your child's first encounter with the "Germapocalypse" – which is that dreaded first common childhood illness.

All spring and summer you’ve worked on and finally mastered the art of changing dirty diapers without flinching AND you've become a pro at deciphering the difference between a hungry cry and a tired cry. Life is just beginning to start to feel somewhat manageable, and you're even considering applying for the parenting gold medal.

But justttttttt when you're basking that newfound parental prowess, here comes a sneaky little germ ninja invades your home. 

First of all, where did it come from?  (I hear this constantly at my urgent care job)! “We don’t even take the baby anywhere!” (Minus you going to work daily and you fail to mention that end of the summer family BBQ *cringe*). 

It starts with a little congestion…. followed by a cough that’s starting to sound like a tiny seal barking. 

Cue Panic! 

Welcome to the "Germapocalypse"

First, you consult Dr. Google, the wise and often dubious source of all parenting wisdom (NOT!), and you're bombarded with a list of potential diagnoses that range from the common cold to a rare tropical disease that can only be cured by dancing under a full moon while reciting the alphabet backward. And of course, you are convinced your child has contracted the latter.

Armed with tissues, baby Vicks, a thermometer, an irrational dose of fear of any object within a five-foot radius, you dive headfirst into the role of Dr. Mom or Dr. Dad or breakdown and call your mom. You meticulously track every cough, every sneeze, and every blink for hours to determine if it's a sign of impending doom or just a normal bodily function.

Next, you make that frantic call your pediatrician’s office, only to be greeted by the soothing voice of the automated appointment scheduling system, you realize that you're on your own. It's just you, the germ-infested child, and a lot of conflicting advice. You've suddenly become a one-person medical team, complete with a white coat made of spit-up stained onesies.

Amidst the chaos, there are moments of humor. You may attempt to take your child's temperature, only to realize you were holding the thermometer backward the entire time, leading to a perplexing reading of 150 degrees Fahrenheit. 

Or you may undergo an epic battle of trying to administer the prescribed medicine? You'll become a master of disguise. You’ll attempt to mix it with applesauce, yogurt, and every other edible substance known to mankind, only to have them spit it out with an expression that says, "I see through your trickery!"

And let's not forget your first time you discover their superhuman strength during "snot wars." Your child's nose becomes a never-ending faucet, and you find yourself in a constant state of wiping, wiping, and more wiping. You're convinced there's a hidden reservoir somewhere in their tiny body that produces an endless supply of boogers and superhuman strength when you try to clean them.

So, as you learn to navigate the chaotic journey that is childhood illness, remember to stock up on supportive care supplies, laugh… often at yourself, and cherish every extra moment of snuggles amidst the sniffles.

Share your stories below of your babies first illness!